Accepting the truth..

"God has a reason for allowing things to happen. We may never understand his wisdom, but we simply have to trust his will."

Nagtanong ako kay Lord nung mga oras na nakaramdam ako ng sakit. Tinanong ko kung bakit nagkaganun, hindi ko ba nagampanan ng mabuti ang tungkulin ko? Hindi ba sapat yung pagmamahal na binibigay ko? Nagkukulang ba ako ng oras, pagmamahal? parang hindi naman kasi. Lahat naman ginagawa ko para dito, lahat ng pag-eexperiment sa ugali, sa pag-iintindi ng ugali, ginagawa ko kasi natatakot akong gawin sa kin ulit yun, natatakot akong mangyari. Pero without any sign, nangyayari na pala. Hindi man lang ako prepared. 

It's been the 3rd time. Akala ko pagod na ko. Oo, pagod na ako. Pero nadala pa din ako sa paulit-ulit niyang pagpilit sa akin to go back and be with him again. Kasi, kung may isang tao akong hindi matatanggihan sa lahat ng bagay, siya yun. Dati pa man, ganun na ako sa kanya. Akala ko tamang pagmamahal yung ganon. Akala ko enough na yun para masabi kong makukuntento na siya. Pero hindi pala. Pinipilit ko yung sarili kong hindi ko na siya mahal. Dapat wala na, kasi puno ng galit yung puso ko. pero hindi din e. 

Isang araw, napag-isipisip kong bigyan pa ng chance. This time, hindi na ako sigurado kung magbabago siya. Ang sigurado ako, masaya pa din ako pag kasama siya. Setting aside yung takot na konting kibot uulitin niya yun. Siguro ngayon, kailangan kong makuntento sa ganito. Yung parang pagmamahal na walang commitment. Yung hindi ka mag-eexpect ng kahit ano, hindi ka madidisappoint at hindi ka na magseselos, magagalit at kung ano-ano man. Magulo. Masalimuot. Pero baka sa ganitong paraan mabuhay ulit ang puso ko. Baka sa ganitong paraan, maniwala ulit ang puso at isip ko na magbabago siya. SANA. Makukuntento ako sa ganito kahit sa akin lang applicable to. Gagawin ko yung lahat para mabuhay ulit ang puso ko. 

Alam ko ngayon, pinipilit ng puso kong bumangon galing sa lusak habang patuloy akong nagdadasal na maging okay, na magbago nga siya ng tuluyan. Bumalik ang tawanan, masaya. Ayoko ng sirain yun. Ayoko ng isipin pa niya na hindi ako kuntento dun. Pero hindi ko palang makita ulit yung genuine happiness na dapat kong nakikita. Puno ng takot. Puno ng lahat ng galit sa tuwing maalala ko ang lahat. 

Sana nga panaginip nalang lahat. Pero ngayon, siguro hindi nalang ako titigil magmahal hanggang hindi ako namamatay, hanggang hindi namamatay ang puso ko. Pipiliin ko ng mamatay ng naramdaman kong sumaya kaysa naman yung isalba ang puso ko, at tigilang mag-saya. Bahala na si Lord. Baka yun yung message niya sa akin. Siya lang ang makakapagpasaya sa akin. Hindi ibang tao. Hindi dapat maging dependent ang kasiyahan ko sa ibang tao. 

// I understand. This is life. :./

May she rest in peace. :)

RT: "Minsan pinipili mo nalang manahimik at hindi kumibo para hindi na lumaki ang gulo."... 


--kaya dito ko nalang ilalabas lahat.haha. Para hindi na lang mag-away. :) 


Bothered for the nth time. Bakit pa kasi kailangang magkaroon ng connection. Sabi nga, it's either nakamove on na siya o umaasa pa rin siya sa kanya. I don't know, pero nabother ako ng bongga nung sinabi sa aking in-add daw siya ulit sa isang social networking site. I know it's nothing for him, pero for me, it's something big. I will not be like this kung walang nangyaring encounter between us. Siya ang naunang maging bitter. Hindi niya kasi matanggap na wala na, hindi niya kasi matanggap na he will never be hers again kahit anong mangyari. That's her loss, anyway. Baka hindi siya naging mabuting girlfriend for him. Sad to know that. She had her time, kaya tama na. Akala ko nakapag move on na ko sa close encounter namin pero hindi pa pala. Nanggigil pa rin ako sa galit sa tuwing naririnig ko ang pangalan niya. Wala naman akong ginawa sa kanya. Bitter lang siya. Ganda niya e. (oops. beware. Libelous to) haha:)) Im putting it into words, kasi mas madali kesa sa sabihin dahil mamimisinterpret lang kagad. Oo, ngayon bitter ako sa kanya. at kahit kailan magiging bitter ako sa kanya. tumigil siya, hindi ko siya makakasundo kahit kailan. Lumayo siya. Wag ng antaying iitulak ko siya palayo. 


She has intentions of adding him up again, I know. Whatever it is, may God Bless her. I already prayed for this. :'( Sana mas pinili niya na lang na manahimik at mawalan ng direct connection. tsk. 

Thankful, indeed! ♥

• "Be with a guy that is willing to spend Saturday night watching movies with you rather than being with his friends.” - The Notebook
  
  
  He has time for everything, and for everyone, but he never puts me in the least of his priorities.:) 
  
  
  Had a wonderful weekend with Benedict. Inspite of our busy schedules, thankful kasi nakakapagspend pa rin kami ng quality time together. Sa industriya kung nasaan kami, hindi madaling balansehin ang relationship. Hindi madaling magsurvive but the secrets are endless understanding, love, commitment and trust. Masarap yung pakiramdam na pag tinatanong mo siya kung mahal ka niya, hindi siya mapapagod sagutin na "opo, mahal kita"... Pero mas masarap yung pakiramdam na hindi mo na kailangang magtanong kasi hindi niya nakakalimutang ipakita, ipadama at sabihin na mahal ka niya, palagi, walang palya. 
  Naiintindihan ko bakit parang wala lang yung valentines day for him. Kasi dapat, everyday is love day.:) Everyday, magmamahal ka at mamahalin ka ng taong nangako ng pagmamahal na walang wakas:)
  
  
  
  
  "Lahat nababago liban sa pag-ibig ko                                                        
  kung ito'y di mo maramdaman, malamang ako'y patay na                                
  kaya wag kang mag-alala dahil hangga't may ako at ikaw,                        
  merong pag-ibig sa atin araw-araw. "  - Labbie 02.03.12

 I love you.:")

Random thoughts...

02.10.12. 

It has been a productive day for me. Slept at 7am and woke up at 12nn. Researched for story proposals tapos went outside to look for other story proposals and meet labbie. :) Minsan lang siya magkaroon ng off sa work kaya kailangang sulitin :-p 

Kanina, sa kalagitnaan ng paghahagilap ng storya sa lansangan, ito ang nasaksihan: Isang babae, sumugod sa asawa niya na nahuling may kalandian. Bad news,er? Nakakagulat lang talaga. Siguro nasa 40's na ang edad nilang lahat. Hindi lang makakaila na sobrang masakit para sa babae ang mahuli niya ng ganun ang asawa niyang hitad. haha:) Madami ng tao ang may infidelity issues, I just wish they have conscience para maisip na hindi na makatarungan ang ginagawa nila. Nagpplayback lang sa utak ko yung line nung babae, "Hindi ka na nahiya, hindi mo inisip na may asawa ka."... Poor woman, I pitied her a lot. Sana she'll get over this kaagad. What's worse is that hindi nagsasalita yung lalake. (ang sarap saksakin..haha)

This will be for all the men out there who were still a big pain in the ass of their girls.  Men, please be considerate. Make sure that when you ask for a girl's heart, it SHOULD BE ONLY just her. No ifs, buts and flirting things. I really don't believe in the saying na loyal boys are those who flirt all day but at the end of the day, they will always go back to where their heart belongs. Why be loyal when you can be the faithful one? I just feel bad for girls na sobrang paranoid dahil sa mga ganitong issues. They just can't help but think over and over again what are their boys doing, or where are they staying... 

And girls, keep your eyes and minds open.:) Know your limitations and know where to stop.  But, once you decide to stay again and forgive, make sure to give your 100% best to trust and be whole again. It will be really difficult to stay in a relationship without trust and more love from the both of you. It will be the best feeling when you know you have survived this kind of trial. 

Serious thoughts ha?:) haha. Based from experiences, who cannot give words of wisdom like these?:-p At least, I've learned and I have forgiven. Anyway, I still can't find the suitable story to propose for next week's airing. God help me.:) 

Tomorrow will be our high school alumni homecoming. :) Got a message from my super favorite teacher na she will be coming daw.:"> 

Labbie and the rest of the gang will be going to Mindoro on Monday til Thursday. Sad thing, I can't be with him on those dates:( Sh*t airing week.:/ 

ang gulo mo lang LOVE...- 25th month:)

Dati, kapag naririnig ko yung mga ganitong kataga, I'll just turn my back and say, "wooo, parang hindi naman" Basta ang alam ko, may mga dadating na trials, quarrels and everything pero not as worse as this. At ngayon ko narealize na ang pag-ibig pala parang buhay din-- masaya, madugo at palakasan.. Hindi ka pwedeng lalampa-lampa dito. Salamat sa taong nagparealize sa akin ng ganito. 


Isa sa mga salitang pinakamahirap i-define ay ang pag-ibig. Mahirap talaga. Dati sabi ko, alam mo na ang totoong meaning ng love kapag nakapagsakripisyo ka, naging masaya ka at minahal mo ng buong makakaya mo yung taong yun. Pero hindi.  Dapat mas malalalim sa mga yun ang pang-unawa mo sa pagmamahal. Natutunan ko na hindi dapat puro saya. Mas magiging matamis kung may paghihirap at sakit kasi dun mo mas lalong ma-appreciate ang kagandahan ng buhay. 


For the past 19 years of my life, I experienced happiness, hurt at lahat ng emotion na pwede mong maranasan. I can proudly say that truly, "Life is not perfect and there is no one perfect". Pero, above all that, "Patience is the only virtue". I know and I believe na malalagpasan ko din ang lahat:) 


Dun na din papasok ang pagmamahal na tinuro ni God.Sabi sa Bible, si Lord daw tinuruan tayo magmahal unconditionally. Kahit gaano kasakit ang ginawa sayo ng tao, you should love like how God loved us. Mahirap. Madugo. Pero kung determinado ka, keri lang. Wag ka lang papadala sa pagod kasi yun yung magpapatalo sayo. Basta dapat marunong ka lang makipagsabayan sa buhay, hindi lahat kasi ng bagay maayon sa gusto mo. :) 


Masaya magkaron ng lahat. Maayos na pamilya, magandang career, magandang love life at maayos na mga kaibigan. Pero expect the worst na may papalpak at papalpak jan sa mga yan. You'll never have all of those at the same time. Bawal favoritism kay Lord:)


Pag may tiwalang nawala, mejo mahihirapan kang maibalik. swerte ka kung ginagawa niya lahat to bring back that trust. Madadapa minsan, mauulit ang mali pero babangon at babangon para makuha ang inaasam na tagumpay. Sana ganun kadali tanggapin ang lahat. Sana may re-charge button ang buong pagkatao mo para kapag pagod ka na, pindutin mo lang yun at lalakas ka ulit. 


Sa dinami-dami ng tao sa mundo, minsan iisipin mo bakit sya. Bakit paulit-ulit kang nagpapatawad. Kahit gaano katanga na ang tingin sayo ng ibang tao, go ka pa din. Sabi ko, pinagdasal ko na to kay Lord at mukhang ayaw niya pang iwanan ko. Baka nga. Baka kasi may plan sya. Dun ako naghohold on. Minsan, when you go back to where you started, maiisip mo talaga na hindi ka makakahanap ng tulad niya. Perfect na sana. Pero wala ngang perpekto kaya wag na masyadong demanding. haha. 


For the past2 years, masaya ako, sobra.. Dito ko naramdaman ang mga pinapangarap ko for an ideal relationship. Yung tipong makakasama mo sa isang trip, mag-aalaga sayo at hindi matutulog kapag may sakit ka, kasama mo through thick and thin sa lahat, sa bagyo, sa hirap, sa lahat, at yung taong hindi maggiveup kahit gano ka kahirap intindihin. Lahat ng pinapangarap ng isang babae para sa ideal relationship, nandito. except for one thing. Yun ang flaw. pero minsan dapat mong tiisin hanggang alam mong pinipilit niyang baguhin para sayo. :)


I may not be the best, the prettiest and the sexiest, pero lahat naman gagawin para sa kanya.:) Siguro yun ang lamang ko sa kanila. Kahit hanapin pa nya  ang tulad ko sa mga libro, pelikula, mga social networking sites at kahit san,  hindi nya pa rin mahahanap ang R.A na meron sya. 




- 25th:) ♥♥♥

Enhancing relationships:)

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is  broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to   suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity   may result in separation. 


Once a trust is broken, as he find a way to earn this again, let yourself find a way to bring back that trust again. Meet halfway.:)





NO POINTING FINGERS 



We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.  "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."


FORGIVE... and ACCEPT.. Those are the keys...




CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS? 


There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins. 


There will never be a perfect relationship. If we want to make things come our way, that's selfishness. We have to understand each other's flaws.. We are here to make our imperfect partner PERFECT. 


NO OVERPOWERING 

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another,or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character." 




I've learned that you can never change a person no matter you want him to. It must be his will. It must be his choice. It will never be yours.. Let him and everything will fall in it's right places. 


R IGHT SPEECH 

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other,we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party. 


As what was said, communication is irreversible. Be careful with what you say. It might change your life forever..


P ERSONAL PERCEPTION 

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison.do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear. 


Just follow your heart and mind and pray..:) everything will be alright.


BE PATIENT 


People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever. 


Learn to forgive and forget.. I know, it will not be too easy.. Yes, it's very hard. But it's for the both of you..






Too much of everything is bad. Learn to live in moderation. Love moderately. Know your limitations. Warning: Love is dangerous. But try it, and you'll feel the best feeling ever.:)




*in bold letters: personal notes:)

for a smooth flow of relationship (reposted)

10 things you should not say in a relationship.

1. “You’re over-reacting.”While this may be true from an objective standpoint, she will never agree, at least not on the spot. No matter what she may be throwing at you, be that insults or ceramic knick-knacks, she believes she’s acting appropriately. So duck if you have to and then say something like this: “I don’t blame you for being upset, but I’d rather focus our energy on fixing the problem.”
2. “You’re not being logical.”Once again, you may be right, but that’s beside the point.  (Note that we said “may.”) When in the midst of a debate, one plus one can equal three. Put logic aside, and listen for the core matter as she sees it. Hopefully she’ll return the favor when you suggest, for instance, that because it’s the third Sunday of the month, it would be a crime against humanity if you didn’t go fishing.
3. “Who put that idea in your head, your mother?” On a calm day, your wife or main squeeze may concur that her mother is a bit “out there.” However, when you suggest that some beef or ideas of hers isn’t genuine and, instead, has been “planted” by her mother (or sister, or girlfriend), it suggests that she can’t think for herself. Treat her thoughts and ideas as her own, regardless of their origin.
4. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”Well, maybe you need to read more, because whenever you feel you’ve heard the worst of ideas, just sample a few pages of the Darwin Awards. Don’t dismiss ideas outright. Instead, express what about the idea you don’t like. Even better, start by saying what you do like about the idea. Remember, someone once called the internal combustion engine a waste of gray matter.
5. “The other guys’ wives are cool with it.”Even if true, such statements really shouldn’t matter. Think about it this way: If your kid wanted to do something that you didn’t want him to, would the fact that another parent told his kid it was OK change your mind? We didn’t think so. What other wives or girlfriends are doing or saying should be of no concern. Make decisions for yourselves and leave others out of it. Or risk your wife telling you all about the “super-duper romantic” dinner some other husband put together for some other wife.
6. “After everything that I’ve done for you?!”This is playing the guilt card, which may work now and then, but at a steep cost. It suggests that, at the end of the day, your relationship is one based on points reflecting who’s done what for whom. And you might want to reflect long and hard before you suggest that such a score be tallied.
7. “You’ll feel differently tomorrow.”Maybe. Maybe not. Often, a good night’s rest provides a different perspective on life, right? And though this insight may be wise, none of us like to hear it. That’s because it suggests that something we’re upset, angry or passionate about now is just a passing fancy.
8. “You always (fill in the blank).” “You never (fill in the blank).”Definitive statements like these only poke the bear. In most of these cases ¾ “You never give me credit for what I do!” ¾ they’re not literally true and only come off as grandiose statements that hide the real concern or message. Talk, instead, in terms of “sometimes” and “only occasionally.” You’re more apt to be heard, even if you feel that never happens.
9. “You didn’t used to be this way.”Inherent in this statement is the implication that in whatever manner you suggest she “used to be,” that that was far better than the way she is now. Ouch!
10. “You’re missing the point.”When your wife hears this, it gets translated into “You’re not smart enough to understand what I obviously said so clearly and so brilliantly, so let me dumb it down for you.” If you really think she missed your point, then make your point again in a different way.